One out of four women have had an abortion – women both in and out of the church. That includes Amy.
Amy grew up a pastor’s kid and gave her heart to Jesus at age 9. Even so, as an adult, she came to believe the lie that her miscarriage was God’s punishment for having an abortion decades before.
“Deep down, I felt as though I had to make up for my abortion, so everything I did was kind of a performance, out of obligation,” Amy says. “I had to do something to replace the shame and guilt that was ever present in my life.”
When her son was born with autism, she broke down. She questioned if this was also due to her abortion. From the outside, Amy looked like a “good Christian” – regularly attending church, teaching Sunday School – but she was hurt and angry at God.
Slowly, through His Word, the anger began to dissipate. Years later, Amy attended a Bible study at Care Net called Surrendering the Secret. The study deconstructed the humiliating view of herself that filled her with so much anger, shame and guilt.
“It made me come to complete dependence on God,” Amy shares. “He filled me with His love and showed me who I am now in Him. That was the defining moment in my whole life, and it happened when I was 40, in this class.”
What Is Surrendering the Secret?
Surrendering the Secret (STS) is a post-abortion recovery outreach that confronts and heals the emotional and spiritual trauma induced by an abortion decision. An STS graduate, like Amy, walks a small group of less than five women through an 8-week Bible study where they hear video stories of women who have had abortions, and from class members themselves.
- Week 1 (Introduction Week): Every participant meets for the first time, and the leader reassures everyone that what happens in class, stays in class. Normally, each woman has met with the leader beforehand, but this day can still be scary for the women. “You’re sharing the worst secret of your life with these people,” Amy says. “There’s an immediate bond.”
- Week 2 (Testimony Week): Each woman tells the story of what happened the day of their abortion. Not just “I had an abortion,” but the narrative of what happened, including all the details.
- Week 3 (Truth Week): The leader educates the women about each milestone of fetal development, including the week of each woman’s abortion. Leader Denise Schmeer says reactions range from love and sorrow to disgust. “A lot of women in my generation bought the lie that their baby was just a blob of tissue,” Denise says.
- Week 4 (Anger): The leader allows each woman to process her anger toward the abortion industry, loved ones and the church, and any entity she feels abandoned her in her time of need.
- Week 5 (Forgiveness): Class members learn the importance of letting go of their anger and forgive people they felt abandoned by – including themselves.
- Week 6 (Grief to Great Exchange): The leaders share the Gospel with the women, reminding them that the only One who can bear their burdens and wipe away their sins is Jesus Christ.
- Week 7 (Service of Remembrance): The class holds a memorial service for their aborted children. Amy says this allows each woman to grieve the death of her child like she would a stillbirth or miscarriage. “It’s hard for people to understand when someone who’s had an abortion is grieving because it was their choice,” Amy shares, “but really, that’s what our hearts are longing to do.”
- Week 8 (Women of Victory): By the end of the study, Denise says, each woman has had a “lightbulb” moment where they are healed and changed. The final meeting encourages each woman to move forward courageously, to see how they can help others like God has helped them.
What's Next?
Now, Amy and Denise are part of Light Group Ministries, a 501(c)3 ministry of Innovative Ministries International. Light Group Ministries is dedicated to starting a Surrendering the Secret Bible study at each of the over 120 churches in Indian River County. About 50 women have graduated from Surrendering the Secret since the Light Group formed in 2016.
Three or four of these women now volunteer at Care Net, some lead Surrendering the Secret. Others lead “The Next Step,” a seven-week Bible study that teaches graduates of a post-abortion Bible study how to give their testimony. At Care Net’s ultrasound appointments, Denise shares her story with some abortion-minded women.
Denise says the key is empowering the women to share their stories of trauma and healing with others: “If 63 million women [who have had abortions since 1973] stood up and said, ‘I was traumatized and it affected every area of my life, do we think that there would ever be another woman who would want an abortion?”
How Do Leaders Handle the Complex Emotions That Arise During Surrendering the Secret?
One of the women in Light Group Ministries is a licensed mental health care professional, who the other leaders go to for counsel. They also refer women to professional healing at centers like Hope Counseling to address additional mental issues and side effects from Post-Abortion Syndrome (which is similar to PTSD). Some women are also encouraged to seek additional healing at places like Women’s Refuge of Vero Beach.
All leaders are experts at leading STS, with prior training and ongoing training. While leading the class, they share experiences from their healing journey to assist those taking the class.
“Our prayer is that God brought these women for a divine appointment,” Denise says. “We just need to be God’s hands and feet and stay out of His way.”
I Had an Abortion Decades Ago and Have Experienced Healing.
Is This Still for Me?
Whenever a Care Net volunteer or client asks this question, Executive Director Bonnie Martinelli gently asks, “Have you named your child?”
Amy thought she was already healed from her abortion trauma, but she realized she couldn’t even hold a model of a baby. Then Amy took the class to continue her healing journey. It took time to appreciate the personhood of her aborted son, whom she named Isaiah. Amy started with shame and guilt, afraid to tell anyone, but since she took STS, she is empowered to testify of her healing! Amy has shared her story with many people, including at two large groups!
She says that as soon as women finish STS, many of them begin to miss each other.
“I can’t really describe the intensity of it,” Amy shares. “We are bonded together by what God has done for us. We move forward in that forgiveness and that victory together.”
How Can I Help?
For women who have had abortions, Light Group Ministries is always looking for ladies to go through Surrendering the Secret – so they can be healed, and also so they can use their voice for their unborn and set others free to serve God.
Leaders prefer to have no more than three women in the class because it’s an emotionally difficult process: leaders make themselves available to the women 24/7. Oftentimes classes last 9-10 weeks, so one leader could lead up to three groups a year.
Those who haven’t had an abortion can still help in this healing process. It costs $150 to take one woman through the 8-week Bible study, and $250 for a woman to attend a healing retreat, where the study is condensed into one weekend. Additionally, Light Group Ministries is looking for Champions to host a retreat weekend to help reduce costs: leaders need a house with six bedrooms.
Denise says it’s important for churches to address the misconceptions surrounding abortion head on, and one way to do it is by hosting a class.
“No one is hesitant to talk about addiction recovery, but they’re not walking around in the foyer saying, ‘our church has this great Bible study that will heal women that are suffering from abortion,’” Denise says. “It needs to be more a part of the conversation.”
If you are interested in donating toward a Surrendering the Secret group, or participating in it yourself, you can call or text Denise at 772.321.1050, or call Care Net at 772.569.7939.
To all post-abortive women, Amy leaves this message:
“We've been there, we have the same background as you, and we are ready to help you in whatever way we can. Let's set up a time to talk.”
About the Blogs:
Care Net is one ministry with a unified goal – to create a culture of abundant life. But many different roles must be carried out to accomplish this goal, from greeting each client with a smile, to meeting each mother and baby’s material needs, to supporting post-abortive women.
In this blog series, we introduce you to the invaluable services that Care Net provides to clients on a daily basis. Click here for more.